This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
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I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
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Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize