planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
