You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
is wine microwaveable?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
