were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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