mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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