i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I need to calm my uterus...
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
