My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Two words: nipple clamps
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