I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize