And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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