Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
