As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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