That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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