someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Randomize
