I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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