he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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