Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
