Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
