great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
