you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Randomize
