He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
