I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
