omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
found the other keg... it's in the tree
The beer is more important than you right now.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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