Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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