He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
