you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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