He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
