I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
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it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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