I need help removing her.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.