if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.