my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
