Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular