God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
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He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?