They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
