i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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