woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
