My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize