His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
