I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
