Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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