Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
