Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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