Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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