I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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