R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I am spending my child support on dildos
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
