I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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