In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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