i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
