My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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