whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
