these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
