Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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