He asked to "fluff my boner.."
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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