You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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