unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
