So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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