I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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