based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
