You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
