it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm too high and old for this...
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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