I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
