Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
