he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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