were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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