I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
