Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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