I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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