Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
