Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
