I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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