She's JV to your varsity
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
