i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
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