to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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