whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
We're too hungover to prance.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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