She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
there is puke in my bra ... again
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