I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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