and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
