i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
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Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
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You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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