Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I will pee on everything he values.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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