Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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