i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
did i walk over a car last night?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
