I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
