Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
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