I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
This house was built for laser tag.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
