I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
