i was born a porn star she said
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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