ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize