Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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