the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
